portfolio-of-failure-boat

The Boat in Campsite

Author: Pat Moriarty

When you live in the MidWest, summer is the perfect time to get out and go camping and fishing, but as we have learned you need to book your campsite early.

A few years ago, a couple of us from the lab decided to go camping a few hours away at a local trout fishing spot. We had been there the previous year, and there are an abundance of brown trout in the river. If you waded in, they would get so close to you. You could probably have scooped them up with a net. It was an excellent camping and fishing trip, and we decided to repeat it.

A member of the lab who will not be named booked a spot right on the river for a weekend over the summer. As the time drew closer and we began to prepare for the trip, we took a look at the map to see how to get to the camping spot. The location was a little out in the woods and cell reception was spotty so we needed to print out directions just incase. It was at this point that we realized that the campsite that was booked was a boat in campsite. The campsite was where the river had been dammed and formed a lake, but the parking lot was on the other side of the river and there were no bridges or crossings. Realizing our mistake, we decided to try to book a different spot, but being only a couple weeks away, all other campsites were taken so we decided to figure it out.

Our first issue was that none of us had a boat, but we were able to borrow some kayaks and pool floaty tubes. I also had an inflatable raft that I had bought at a Walmart in Florida back in 2017. It was the Explorer 200 model and was only ~$20 including the paddles. It was actually a great purchase for the money. So with our watercraft issue solved, we headed north.

We had to take 2 Subarus because all the gear and people could not fit in one car. We left Friday afternoon and got to the boat launch point a few hours before sundown.

With the Explorer 200 and tubes inflated, we attached them to the kayaks and loaded up the gear. We could fit all the gear between the 2 kayaks, 3 floaties and 1 raft, but a second trip had to be made to pick up all the happy campers.

With everyone successfully across the lake, we pulled the kayaks out of the water and started to setup camp. We all shared one large 2-compartment tent. Once that was up, there really wasn’t much to do. We gather some wood and started a camp fire in the firepit that someone had already built out of stones.

Now that all the hard work was done, it was time to crack open a cold one and heat up some canned beans over an open fire. After a few sodie pops, I was off to bed while the rest of the group stayed around the campfire. With the thought of brown trout and crystal clear streams, I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to the sounds of sizzling and thought someone was already up and cooking the bacon we had brought. As I got up, I unzipped the divider in the tent that separated the 2 compartments. As I stepped into the other side and accidentally onto Gary’s chest, I realized that everyone that came on the trip was still sleeping in the tent. I looked down at Gary who’s chest I still had one foot on then looked out the tent window and saw a raging fire next to the tent. He had been startled awake when I stepped on him. I grab him by both arms and yelled, “get the fuck up!”

I proceeded to open the tent and step outside only to be greeted by a massive fire.

I ran back in the tent yelling, “Emergency! Wake the fuck up! Get the fuck up!”. The group was still asleep and refusing to get up as they later recounted that they thought I was just really excited for fishing and was trying to wake them up to go fishing. I started grabbing and shaking everyone in my reach like a mother with Parkinson’s shakes her newborn. Hard and fast. I was finally able to get Gary and one other person up, and they stepped outside to see the hellscape before us.

With a small team now assembled, we jumped into action. We needed to put this fire out. I saw a couple gallon water jugs that had not melted and grabbed them. Taking the saw we had brought to cut would, I sawed the tops off the 3 bottles and poured the water on the closest area of the fire then ran to the lake and filled them up again and proceeded to continue doing this. While it is hard to recall everything that happened in the moment, I do remember a couple things.

1. Someone having to go back in the tent to wake up the remaining camper who still thought we were waking up early to go fishing.

2. The flaming kayaks being dragged into the lake to put them out.

3. Gary running into the fire with no shoes on to pour water on the biggest area of the fire. I also did not have shoes on and assumed that the ground in this area was not hot since Gary had walked there. I was wrong. The ground was covered in coals and embers, and I instantly burned my feet. Gary just played through the pain.

After about 30 minutes of using lake water to douse the fire, we had all the flames out, but we spend another hour pouring water all over the campsite to be sure it was out.

We began assess our situation. Besides burns, everyone was fine. All our Kayaks and rafts were melted. Most our our gear that was not in the tent had also burned. It was interesting to see that Gary’s iPhone had burned to the point where all that was left was the glass from the screen and all the eggs that had been in the cooler looked like they had been hard boiled. We investigated what could have caused the fire and were stumped because the area of burned ground started about 5 feet away from the campfire. Our theory was that an ember from the fire the previous night had blown into some dry brush and eventual caught fire, but it was still only about 6am, and we were trying to get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible and weren’t looking to launch a full on investigation. However, with no kayaks to get back across the river, we needed to figure something out. One of the camper’s parents luckily lived about an hour away and did have an extra kayak and after a couple desperate early morning phone calls, we were able to confirm his papa would come bring us a kayak.

The next step was to get across the lake. We split up into two task forces. The first would stay at camp and continue cleaning up the mess. The second, which I was on, would try to find a way to cross the lake. We traversed along the lake until we found a clearing where powerlines ran. We though this may have lead to an easy crossing, but we were wrong. Upon reaching the river again, we were located below the dam, but there was no crossing and the river was wide. However, we did see a fishing boat with two men fishing. We called out to them and asked if they would be able to ferry us across the river. They were quite rude and after they questioned us about how we got to the other side in the first place, they told use to “go fuck yourselves”. What their problem was is still a mystery to me, but I continue to lose faith in people as it seems more and more, people are unwilling to help others in need.

At that point, we decided our only option was to swim across. The other camper I was with, had more confidence in his swimming abilities (even though I had previously beat him in a swimming competition on a previous camping trip) and crossed first. He bobbed across the river barely making it across all as the two asshole fishermen watched him struggle. Finally making it across after what felt like 10 minutes. I was prepared to cross next but he called out and told me not to attempt it, and to wait until he had the Kayak and we would use that to get across. Heeding his warning, I trekked back through the trees and to the campsite where the others had just about finished cleaning up.

While we waited for the rescue kayak, my intestines started churning. The excitement of the fire had worn off, and I was back to being in tune with my body. Even without my morning coffee, I could feel it coming. Unfortunately, all of our rolls had burned with the other equipement and there was nothing left, but it wasn’t going to wait until we got back across the lake so I journeyed back into the woods looking for a good spot and hoping for it to come out clean.

You would have thought that with the luck I was having that morning I could have caught a break, but I didn't. Likey driven by the beans and pops, it became an ordeal. An ordeal I was not going to leave without a sacrifice. That sacrifice ended up being my shorts as there about all I had left. After using them, I proceeded to bury them in the hole that I had dug. Now I do not condone littering, but bringing soiled shorts back across the lake was about the last thing I wanted to do at this point.

As I emerged from the woods, we were still collecting all the debris around the campsite and packaging it to prepare to take it back across the lake. Luckily Gary had found the key to his car. The backpack where it had been stored was no more, and all that remained of the key was the metal. Hopefully the key would work since Gary drove an early 2000s model vehicle. New cars have eletronics in the keys to prevent theft, and if Gary's car had that, we would be screwed. At this point, all we could do was wait and hope and pray.

After another hour or two of waiting, we received word that the rescue kayak has arrived along with a floating foam mat that people usually use to lounge in the water. The idea behind the floating mat was to pile as much stuff on it as possible and tow it behind the kayak across the lake. We began the process of transporting the garbage and what was left of our equipment across the lake taking turns to paddle with a load across the lake, dropping it off at the car, and paddling back. This turned into quite the ordeal as the wind began to pickup in the early morning. Paddling back across the lake from the boat launch was almost straight into the wind, and if you did not paddle hard enough, you actually would move backwards. You had to paddle nonstop for about 20 min to get across the lake at this point. Getting more tired and exhausted after each trip across the lake, we slowly made progress getting our campsite cleaned up. When it was finally Gary's turn to make a run across the lake, he was able to test out the remains of his car key, and in our first stroke of luck that day, his car started. Now that we had confirmed our transportation, all we need to do was get everything and everyone across the lake.

With the wind still blowing full bore and fatigue setting in from paddling and the stress of what had transpired that morning, Gary struggled hard to get back across the lake to the campsite. He was paddling but not going anywhere, and in the blink of an eye, the floating mat caught the wind and flipped the kayak with Gary in it. Gary struggled to swim our only watercraft to shore but eventually did it. I don't know if it was the adrenaline from the fire or fear of the DNR showing up to arrest us, but he made it. We helped him bring the kayak in once he was close enough to stand in the lake. We continued to load the kayak and floating mat as Gary took a well deserved break and sent the next person on their run. But before long, the sound of "fuck, fuck, fuck" reverberated through our ears. As we turned to see Gary with his head in his hands in utter distress, we assumed he was upset about the kayak flipping over, and we were not wrong. He revealed that when he fell out of the kayak, the car key in his shirt pocket had fallen out. There was no hope of finding that key. The water was murky and he had fallen out in the middle of the lake. We sat there is utter disgust of our situation without a single word and waited for the kayak to come back.

We sent Gary across on the floating mat for the next trip so he could call AAA to get a tow. There is only one subscription I would ever recommend and that is AAA. For ~$120 a year, you can get the package with one 200 mile tow and two 100 mile tows. If you use 1 tow a year, it pays for itself, and if you are like us at the lab, your 25 year old vehicle is probably ready to break down at any moment. We finished clearing the campsite and loaded up the cars with all the trash. Once the tow truck had come and loaded up Gary's car, we all piled into the other car and got the hell out of there.

Kayak Remains